Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Too much time spent in front of the television will come back to haunt you late in the week. You will miss important meetings and will put off homework that needs finished. Prepare for the worst.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You are about to be awarded for a great honor you didn’t even know was coming. Try to act surprised.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Beware of thunderous sneezes. A doozie will hit you while driving. Don’t worry about flying snot – be more concerned about not causing an accident.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Keep an eye on your belongings. Someone is going to try to rob you blind this week.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
Don’t be too concerned with the past this week. Focus on the future and the potential you have to be someone great.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
An ex-significant other returns to your life in a most unwanted way. The situation might be upsetting, but don’t let it get too far under your skin.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
You will be your own best friend this week. Don’t count on anyone but the big Numero Uno.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
You’ve been suppressing your emotions for far too long and are about to explode. Before you hurt somebody else – or yourself – take some time to blow off some steam.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
A little optimism goes a long way this week. Look at life from the sunny side for a change and your outlook is likely to change permanently.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You got yourself involved in some pretty shady dealings lately. Don’t expect to talk your way out of the sticky situation you’re in.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
You and your significant other are having trouble coming to terms with a recent infidelity. Even though neither one of you wants to give up, it might be best to put this relationship to rest.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
You’ve got a few issues that remain unresolved. Use your extra free time to work on them or you’ll never have that weight lifted from your shoulders.