Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Watch your step — be prepared for an injury this week. Anything can happen, ranging from a paper cut to a broken femur.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’re rundown from midterm stress. Combat it this week with a nap or two. Or three.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
There’s a 50 percent chance you’ll die this week. Sorry.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your past will come back to haunt you. An ex will be back in your life and wants revenge. Be ready to defend your honor and do some damage control. Go figure — this happens around Valentine’s Day.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
You’ll be emotional this week. Be careful not to let the small stuff get to you or something said in haste will be regretted.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
This week will be one of the best for you in recent memory. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
This weekend is the time to catch up on some work. You’ve been procrastinating lately and the work put off is starting to pile up.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
This week is the time to get back in touch with your inner child. Go sledriding, make snow angels and have snowball fights. Make sure to have hot chocolate afterwards.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You’ll have the good sense to watch your tongue this week. Someone will try to force you into a gaffe, but you’ll be prepared.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
That “Freshman Fifteen” you gained is starting to make you self-conscious. Now’s the time to work it off. After all, bathing suit season is right around the corner.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
You love to shop, but working to earn money to pay for your purchases just isn’t your thing. You need to be more careful with your finances. There’s no way around it — debt is bad.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Your birthday is coming up soon — you’ll be given an amazing gift. Be sure to say “thank you.”