Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your life is about to become a complete mess. Your friends and family will abandon you and all other aspects of daily life will fall to shambles. You may as well accept it – it’s not likely to get better soon.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will meet a famous celebrity under unexpected circumstances. These circumstances might not be favorable to you, but be a good sport about it. The celebrity might make the encounter more than worth your while.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your lifelong hero is going to let you down. He or she will become involved in a highly publicized scandal. Find a new idol or risk having that person’s actions reflect upon you.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Laughter will help you cope this week. Being able to laugh at the ridiculous situations you’ll encounter will make them bearable.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
Your way with words will help you this week. Several unfavorable situations will arise, but you’ll be able to talk your way right out of them.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Stop procrastinating. You keep putting off assignments and various other necessary tasks and now you’re swamped. Make it a goal to finish off two or three tasks per day until you’re caught up or you’ll never make your deadlines.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Get in touch with distant friends or family members. Their new news will catch you by surprise.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
A friend will come to you this week hoping to have a favor repaid. Don’t be apprehensive about helping him or her out. The situation will turn out to be mutually helpful.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Keep track of your significant other this week. He or she might stray from fidelity. Don’t let this deceit go unnoticed.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You will lose something very important to you. This lucky object must be found or any number of bad things will happen to you. A replacement won’t suffice – only the original item will do.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Of all things, a grasshopper will have an impact on your week. The tiny insect will jump into your hair, lay some eggs and some hatchlings will infest you and your living space. Stock up on bug spray.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
You have twice been betrayed by a close friend. You’ve been forgiving up to this point, but the next betrayal will be the breaking point in your friendship. Watch for this to happen in the next few days.